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Placebo’s rock gazetteer of Europe’s finest sex and drugs:

FRANCE
Brian: The groupies are psycho. Very young. Very bad. They all lie about their age. And they’re very determined: it’s almost like ‘How dare you come into my country without shagging me?’
Steve: The drugs are good, but it’s difficult to get them, because the cops carry guns and they’re real aggressive. There’s a toll-both on one of the highways, with customs officials who can board at any time
Bri: Oh yeah! We’d been playing the Rizla game when we got stopped, and we were in such shock that it was only one second before they climbed on the bus that we were like ‘Okay. Everything’s gone. Oh! SHIT! We’ve got Rizlas on our heads!

GERMANY
Huge sighs
Steve: Plurgh
Bri: Germany. Oh dear.
Steve: There is no sex in Germany.
Bri: None at all. It’s too white and too old and too German. And it was in Germany that we got a tub of lard on the rider. And we hasn’t even asked for it. it was pure while pig’s lard.
Steve: We used it as an ashtray. Germany’s more relaxed about drugs than France. You can smoke a spliff in the street.

ITALY
Bri: it’s very relaxed, in that ‘Manyana’ way. Like: ‘We know you’re late, but first we have coffee and a chat.’
Steve: We’ve never done drugs in Italy. That was our abstemious week.

SCANDINAVIA
Stefan: it’s very posh, very blond, very tall. Can you guess I’m from Sweden?
Bri: if Scandinavia was a person, it would be a school-master with a dildo in one hand, pickled herring in the other, and he’d be contemplating suicide.
Stefan: The winter night’s are endless. You wake up each morning and your body can’t understand why.

SPAIN
Bri: I get my arse pinched here. They think I am a Sexy Lady. The sex there is great. Very full-on, very sensual. Spain is a sensual voluptuous ladyboy.
Steve: And drugwise, it’s very handily placed. I mean, you can see Morocco from the beach.

GREECE
Steve: Great weed. Lots of donkeys.
Bri: That’s sex covered, then. Great ass.

THE NETHERLANDS
Bri: Well you don’t need to ask about drugs. We have an Amsterdam curse on us. Every time we play there, we suck.
Steve: I think that’s because, technically, we’re very stoned.
Bri: The sex is - slow. And very hungry, afterwards.

BRITAIN
Bri: I learnt all my wicked ways here. The sex is full-on. The drugs are comparatively cheap as well. The British Malaise, though, is that you think you’ve got it right, that you’re better than the rest of the world. It’s the island mentality. Existing in splendid isolation. It’s not progressive or positive. Britain’s rather like the Isle of Man Hey isn’t homosexuality illegal there? There’s only one gay man on the Isle of Man? We’ll have to go search for him. Get a photograph. Get David Attenborough in. ‘Here I am, entering Douglas, looking for signs of gayness, but I haven’t seen any.’